A Family Grieves Together
by HayaMika
Summary: Written in response to a conversation that was brought up in a Star Wars Rebels Discord Chat group. - What if Kanan had not survived after Twilight of the Apprentice?


**As said in the summary, this was brought about because of an angsty conversation in a Discord Chat. Hopefully they aren't too OOC.**

* * *

"Ezra?" Hera said, stepping forward carefully towards the blue-haired youth.

Ezra didn't answer. He knew what she was asking.

"Ezra," She said, this time with more emotion, "Where are Kanan and Ahsoka...?"

Ezra turns from her, unable to look her in the eyes. But this action alone gives Hera all the answers she needs.

Zeb's eyes grow wide in shock, Sabine gasps quietly, and Hera's hands find their way to her mouth as her emotions rebel against her and tears begin to form in her eyes.

Chopper sat off to the side for a moment, watching as all the "organics" expressed different levels of distress towards the current situation.

Ezra, wanting to get out of that situation as fast as possible, turned around and began to run off and out of Chopper Base. Sabine started forward, but Zeb put a large paw on her shoulder and stopped her.

"Let him go." Zeb said, voice low and grainy from his own internalized grief. Sabine looked from him to the ground. Without looking back up at him, she eventually nodded and crossed her arms to her chest.

Meanwhile, Hera still stood there, completely still with her hands pressed to her face. Her body felt cold, like someone stick an IV in her veins and pumped her body full of near-frozen blood. Her eyes were filled to the brim with tears, but she managed to old them back. Its almost like all of time had stopped and she was the only one still breathing.

"Hera?"

Hera jumped at the sudden call of her name. She looked over, hands dropping down from her face. It was Zeb.

"Hera..." Zeb put a paw on her shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly, "I'll... uh... I'll go report this to Commander Sato..."

Hera looked away from him, out into the distance, and nodded. She forgot someone would have to report this to Sato... She made a mental note to thank Zeb later for volunteering to be the one to do it. Zeb gave her another comforting squeeze on her shoulder before walking off.

Hera continued to stare out at the now setting sun, and continued staring at it long enough to watch it almost disappear over the horizon. She was lost in thought, lost in her own grief that she's still fighting to keep at bay.

She eventually managed to pull herself from her thoughts long enough to look around and see that she was alone. Sabine had gone off, either to go find Ezra or to go coup herself up in her room like she did after something stressful or emotional happens. Zeb hadn't returned for her, probably wanting to give her some space. Chopper had rolled off at some point, but she vaguely remembers feeling a series of pats on her thigh not too long ago.

She shook her head, hands on her face once more. She balled them up into fists and pressed them against her closed eyes. Her entire body shook with grief, but she refused to let any of it slip through her demeanor. She had a job to do. She had a rebellion to help run. She can't let herself get upset.

She can't let her focus fall for _one soldier_.

Even thinking about that hurt. Calling Kanan just a soldier killed her. But she had to keep her focus.

In that moment she promised herself she'd do everything she could to forget.

* * *

It's been a week since Kanan and Ahsoka had been announced dead. There was a small memorial held for the two of them. Hera had spoke at the memorial, spoke about how we can't let this loss distract us from the greater mission. How we should use it to fuel the fire that ignites Phoenix Squadron into action.

Ezra had not shown up to the memorial. He only comes back to the Ghost late at night to sleep and sometimes eat, but otherwise he was always somewhere outside of base doing who knows what. So Sabine and Zeb watched as Hera continued to hold herself together. The two of them, along with Chopper, are surprised by how hardened Hera had become.

Hera hadn't shown much of a smile since Ezra returned. Both Zeb and Sabine were concerned with how she was taking it. Hell, even Chopper was concerned. Sabine and Chopper took turns sitting outside Hera's door at night, waiting to see if she ever breaks. But there's been nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Zeb watches over Hera while she works, expecting there to be times where Hera would let herself crack, even if it's only for a few moments. But there were none. She continued to work, she continued to throw herself into any job that could distract her from her internalized grief.

And that's what Hera is using as her tactic to keep going. She knows the three of them are keeping an eye on her. She doesn't go to bed till the early hours of the morning. She doesn't bother to even change into something comfortable anymore, all she does is lay there, fully clothed and stare at her ceiling until sleep takes her over. She can hear Sabine coming out of her room and sitting by the door. She can hear Chopper's wheels running across the floor and stopping in front of her room.

And when they aren't practically stalking her, they are just sitting around her.

Earlier Sabine had just come into the cockpit of the ghost, claiming she just wanted to sit and give her some company. Hera eventually found reason to get up and leave, but Sabine didn't look to happy about it.

Hera appreciated their concern, but deep down she wished they'd just let her be. It just makes it harder for her to push aside the grief…

Hera got lost in her thoughts as she walked back to the Ghost late that night to get what little sleep she can. The lights in the Ghost are dimmed, signaling to her that everyone else had gone to bed.

She tiredly pulled herself up the ladder to the main level, checking over a few things in the cockpit before retiring to her cabin.

She palmed at the keypad by the door for a moment, briefly questioning why her door was already unlocked when she usually made sure to lock it before heading out. Chalking it up to being distracted this morning, she ignored it and opened the door.

She looked up and found her entire crew, "or whats left of it" she thought grimly to herself, staring at her. They were all sitting around in various places around her cabin. Sabine was sitting on the floor, back leaned against her workbench with Chopper sitting next to her. Zeb had found comfort leaning against the side wall and Ezra was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest on her bunk.

"Why are you all in my cabin? Why aren't you guys asleep? And Ezra where have you been for-" All Hera could think to do at this moment was reprimand everyone for the current situation, but she was cut off halfway through her series of questions by Zeb.

"Hera… We're concerned about you. Anytime we try to talk to you, all you do is make it about upcoming missions and the rebellion." Zeb started, standing up a bit with his arms crossed over his chest.

"We know that you're taking the loss of Ka-"" Sabine started…

"I am fine." Hera said, voice stern. "I don't have time to be standing around and talking. We have a rebellion to run. We have an Empire to fight. I can't waste time on any of this, and neither should you." Hera pushed past Sabine to put down a datapad she was holding.

Sabine snapped. She turned to Hera and grabbed onto the pilots shoulders.

"Hera! Listen to yourself! You keep driving yourself further and further into a hole. You can't keep pretending like you are ok. All of us can tell that you aren't. We can all tell that you are just keeping yourself together for the sake of everyone else." Sabine yelled out.

Hera's eyes widened in shock as Sabine's words began to sink in.

"We appreciate that you don't want us to think you only care about your own issues. But Hera, now of all times is the time to be selfish. You can't keep pretending that you are ok. You just can't. We need to know you are really ok, that you aren't just locking up your own feelings for the rest of us." Zeb added.

Hera shook herself from Sabine's grip and turned around, crossing her arms close to her chest.

"Please Hera… We don't expect you to act tough for us. We are a family… A family grieves its losses together…" Sabine finished.

Ezra watched as the whole conversation went down. He stared at everyone distantly but as Sabine finished what she needed to say, as the room grew silent, he stirred. He hopped down from the bunk and slowly padded towards Hera. He tugged at her sleeve, wordlessly asking her to turn towards him.

And once Hera did, he pulled her into a hug. Hera was shocked, especially since Ezra had been even more distant than herself for the past week.

Hera looked up from Ezra at the rest of her crew, eyes wide and mouth open ever so slightly. She took in her surroundings and moments later, that's when everything broke…

Her eyes welled up with tears. For the first time in a week, she let the traitorous tears well up and blur her vision. She shook her head as grief took over her facial features.

The first sob shook her body as she hugged Ezra, pulling him closer to her chest. Everything she held back all week began to burst out of her in quiet sobs. Each and every one hurt her chest, making her feel like her heart was going to shatter into pieces.

"I-I…" She couldn't even come up with the words.

Sabine and Zeb stepped towards the Twi'lek and the Padawan in her arms. Sabine hugged the two close to her and Zeb came in from behind the group, taking them all in his large arms and pulling them all together into one giant hug. Chopper rolled over to Hera's side and used one of his manipulator arms to grab hold of one of her pant legs.

Hera accepted the warmth and compassion that her crew was giving her with open arms as she continued to cry. Her tears were staining her face with every drop and she did nothing to stop them this time. The rest of the crew was not in any better shape, either. She felt Ezra shaking violently in her arms and could tell the the shoulder of her flight suit was getting wet. Sabine had a few tears streaking down her face and she swore she could hear a few sniffles coming from Zeb.

The group just stood there for what felt like an hour, long after all of them had cried themselves out. Hera looked around at her current situation, eyes sore, puffy and tired.

Eventually the group slid to the floor, leaning up against the wall and using Zeb as a cushion. Ezra had fallen asleep in her arms, Sabine's eyes were drooping shut and Zeb was staring off into the distance. Chopper was sitting in front of them all, just watching and analyzing.

"I-I'm sorry… Sabine, Zeb…" Hera said, voice low as to not wake Ezra, "I just… I didn't…"

"It's alright, Hera…" Sabine started, "We know why you did it… and we appreciate it… but we were worried you were going to spiral yourself into a pit…"

Hera huffed out a short laugh, "H-Honestly… I probably w-would have done that, t-too…"

Sabine smiled, her eyes drifting shut. Hera looked up at Zeb and saw that the Lasat had also began drifting off.

Not wanting to disturb her sleeping crew, she allowed her own eyes to drift shut and let sleep take her. In the back of her mind, she could see Kanan. See him smiling at the crew's current situation.

The whole crew was there for one another.

And in that moment, she knew she'd be able to get through this...


End file.
